Colleen Conrad

I recently wrote about my yoga instructor’s reminder about being “open to grace.”  I determined that for me, being open to grace is about balance, truth, and love.

And that was all true.

But I’d like to add something to the list:  Time.

I have a tendency to rush.  I like things to happen now.  Or, better yet, yesterday.  And this is in distinct opposition with my writing, where I need to be patient and thoughtful, deliberate and critical.  Maybe my impatience has something to do with being an athlete.  I’ve always been a sprinter, not a distance runner.  But as I face a miasma of change in my life, I’m going to give myself time.  Take it day by day.  Remember that this isn’t a race.  Breathe like I do in yoga:  Slowly, calmly, in and out.  Sure, I may be in a hurry to have this bad day end, or that one, but maybe the next will be better.  And it’s not going to get here any faster if I tap my toe and drum my fingernails on the desk in frustration.

Because if there’s one thing that I do know about myself, it’s that I embrace emotion.  When I’m angry, I’m angry.  When I’m hurt, I’m hurt.  And so on.  I know how to be in the mess.  I accept the necessary evil of sitting, however uncomfortably, with your feelings.  Sometimes I feel the need to apologize for that.  But I’m not apologizing any more. 

The things that I’m facing right now won’t be settled in an hour, or a day, or a month, for that matter.  But if I can take it a minute at a time, I’ll get there.   To grace, that is.