Colleen Conrad

Dear Magic 8 Ball,

I know that four months ago I said that I didn’t need answers.  And I’m trying to be patient and cool about that.  As my Friends doppelganger, Monica, would say, “I’m breezy!”

I’m pretty proud of myself, really, for letting go of that sense of control.  I’m coaching myself to embrace the chaos and take it one day at a time.  But there’s only so much uncertainty that a girl can take.  I mean, you’ve been (pretty) wrong on several counts.  I’m asking you some important stuff here.  The least you can do is shoot straight. 

Let me offer an alternative.  If you aren’t going to accurately predict the future, perhaps you could try a sardonic and blunt approach, like, “Get your s**t together, Colleen.”  Or, “Stop being a dumba**.”

Another option could be philosophical and vague, a la Rafiki from The Lion King.  This style would allow you to wax poetic.  For example, “The answers live in you.” Or, “In life, there are no answers.  Only more questions.”  (Though that might be a little long for one side of that little cube.)

Lastly, there’s always the slightly-sarcastic, but totally fair, “Don’t ask questions if you don’t want to know the answers.”

So what gives? 

I’m giving you some flexibility, but the urgency is creeping in.  After a certain point, I have to wonder if there’s a difference between equilibrium and limbo.  I could really use your help.  Please see what you can do for me.

Sincerely,

Colleen

 

Thanks to Allison for her birthday Magic 8 Ball back in June, and to Gina for sharing a related link with me this week:

 http://www.horoscope.com/horoscope/genie/magic-love-ball.aspx

Gina’s referral prompted me to look up some other online Magic 8 Balls.  Maybe one of them will produce some answers?  Because I certainly have enough questions…

http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ssanty/cgi-bin/eightball.cgi

http://www.indra.com/8ball/front.html

http://8ball.tridelphia.net/

(For the record, I asked all of them the same question, and of course got a range of responses.  It figures.)